Getting Him to Cook

My new husband and I both work. However, I’m always the one expected to take care of dinner. I think this is because growing up, his mom was always the one to get dinner on the table. We’ve only been married a few months and I don’t want to get stuck in a pattern. Any suggestions?
It’s great that you are already noticing this pattern, and that you want to nip it in the bud. First things first: Sit down with your husband and explain your feelings. You work, too, and you’re just as tired as he is — dinner shouldn’t always be your responsibility. Of course, the question is, can he cook?

If he went to college and lived in an off-campus apartment, chances are he can at least throw together an edible meal. See if he’ll take on at least one night a week to start. Or, if he truly can’t cook, ask him to do the dishes, so you’ll have some time to relax then. Perhaps you can also agree to order in and/or go out to eat a few nights a week (if you can afford to do so) to further lighten the load.

These are practical ways to deal with the problem, but you also need to make it crystal-clear that you are not his mother, that you do have a full-time job and that he shouldn’t expect to come home to a gourmet meal made by his dear wife every night. If you’re right that this is what he’s used to, he needs a wake-up call, and the sooner you give it to him, the better it will be — for both of you. You don’t want to start resenting him for this.

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